I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
