i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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