My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
