shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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