Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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