If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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