youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
