I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
