I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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