y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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