i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
