You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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