if you like me you must not know who I am
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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