What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
