Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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