who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
