Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Randomize
