I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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