guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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