I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
