I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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