I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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