doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
