He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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