If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Found the puke drawer
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
