i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
