Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
