I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
