No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
