chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
