if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
