I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize