yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
