it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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