my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
