All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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