I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
