If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
