so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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