before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
