So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
