come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
