Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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