so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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