Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Can I color on your dick again?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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