the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
