i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
