Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
