Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Are we still banned from the library?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
