I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
