i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
