I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
In America we eat man semen.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
