I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
