My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
